Joshisms

24 Jul

  • [16:02] Josh: have you told everyone about party day
    [16:02] Mary Kay: I told Brian and Arnie
    [16:02] Mary Kay: they are all for it
    [16:02] Josh: is brian the sales guy
    [16:02] Mary Kay: nope
    [16:03] Mary Kay: graphics
    [16:03] Josh: i don’t think i know him
    [16:03] Mary Kay: nope
    [16:03] Josh: and frankly he sounds “made up”
    [16:03] Mary Kay: LOL
    [16:03] Josh: that’s ok, we cater to everyone on party day
    [16:03] Josh: even the non real
    [16:03] Josh: or fakies as i call them
  • [14:37] Josh: rsvp’s make me less likely to attend things
    [14:38] Erica: then don’t tell her
    [14:39] Erica: i’m going around 8:30
    [14:39] Josh: then she’ll be happily suprised
    [14:39] Erica: yes, i’m sure she’d be happy to see you
    [14:39] Josh: well let’s be honest, who isn’t
    [14:40] Erica: lol
    [14:40] Josh: that’s why this mirror is so nice
  • Josh: I had some friends in college that lived in a small, eastern NC town on the sound. They talked about playing “Gator” during their formative years. How do you play? 1-Get a bunch of friends together, and wade out into the sound until it’s about shoulder deep 2-Form a circle, and stoop down until the water is at nose level 3-One volunteer steps into the middle of the circle, deploys a deuce into the water, and then rejoins the circle 4-Everyone holds their positions until the “Gator” floats over and hits them in the face. When you get hit in the face, you lose.

    The best part of these guys describing Gator was their reaction when we all asked them why, why, WHY a person would just sit there and let a piece of feces hit them in the face. They’d just look at you like that was the stupidest question in the world and say, “man, if you moved, everyone would hear about it at school the next day!” In other words, it was more admirable to willingly take a deuce to the face than it was to save yourself—gotta love high school.

    Oh, and by the way—one of these guys is now an attorney, and the other is an eye surgeon.

  • [14:05] Josh: i was at lunch
    [15:50] Julie: that’s not what chris said….
    [15:50] Julie: he said you were in the bathroom…
    [15:50] Josh: yeah
    [15:50] Josh: what do you think i ate
    [15:51] Josh: it was both bathroom and lunch
    [15:51] Julie: ok
    [15:51] Julie: that’s just uncalled for
    [15:51] Josh: what
    [15:51] Josh: there’s a little bistro in there
(Battle Bear was my childhood teddybear)
  • [15:43] Julie: Battle Bear says hi
    [15:43] Julie: he’s mine now
    [15:43] Josh: i think he needs a song
    [15:43] Josh: he’s still at my house
    [15:43] Julie: that’s what you think
    [15:44] Josh: (in my bed)
    [15:45] Josh: he’s still protecting me after all these years
    [15:46] Julie: that’s what you think
    [15:47] Josh: what are you suggesting? he’s trying to kill me? you’ve swapped him with a replacement and he’s trying to kill me?
    [15:47] Julie: you are one smart cookie
    [15:50] Josh: which one? him or the replacement?
    [15:50] Josh: cause if it’s him…
    [15:50] Josh: well my world would no longer make sense
    [15:51] Julie: your world hasn’t made sense for quite a time now
  • [16:28] Julie: have you seen her kankles?
    [16:28] Julie: I wanna lick em
    [16:28] Josh: well they’re hard to look at
    [16:29] Julie: haha
    [16:29] Josh: the dreams are bad enough
    [16:29] Josh: i mean that girl, get out of my dreams
    [16:30] Josh: and into my car
    [16:30] Julie: ooooooooooohhhh yeahhhhhhh
    [16:30] Josh: get in the backseat baybe
    [16:32] Julie: I love that jam
    [16:33] Josh: yeah
    [16:33] Josh: it’s timeless
    [16:33] Julie: clutch
    [16:34] Josh: sometimes i’m having a bad day, and i get home and turn on that song, and let billy ocean wash all of my cares away
  • [11:44] Josh: the fish have an easy life
    [11:45] Josh: they don’t have to build shelters or anything
    [11:45] Josh: or even do tricks or entertain us
    [11:45] Chris: true
    [11:45] Josh: but it sort of is terrible too
    [11:45] Josh: not much fun
    [11:45] Josh: but easy
    [11:46] Josh: so i’ve decided to attach fish food to the fish so they can duke it out
    [11:46] Josh: like in the animal kingdom
  • [16:22] Josh: i don’t like the banana runts
    [16:22] Josh: fyi
    [16:22] Chris: ok
    [16:22] Josh: a little josh factoid
  • [14:57] Josh: aravind has never been saved by the bell
    [14:57] Greg: :(
    [14:58] Greg: i think you know what to do at the next lunch and learn
    [14:58] Josh: i explained it to him through the song
    [15:03] Greg: did he get it?
    [15:03] Josh: i don’t think so
    [15:03] Josh: he “doesn’t have a dog”
    [15:03] Josh: to eat his homework
    [15:04] Greg: it’s hard to sum up the sbtb experience in 30 seconds
    [15:04] Josh: true dat
    [15:05] Greg: you should interrupt conversations with him to talk to an invisible cameraman
    [15:05] Greg: maybe that will help
  • [15:45] Josh: is there candy
    [15:46] Erica: no
    [15:46] Josh: i can’t work like this
    [15:46] Erica: there’s candy in the vending machine
    [15:47] Erica: you can work just fine
    [15:47] Josh: they can’t tease us with candy and just take it from us
    [15:47] Erica: it was halloween
    [15:47] Josh: we need more closely spaced free candy hollidays
    [15:48] Josh: i’m going to start a union
    [15:55] Josh: so are you with the candy holliday union?
    [15:56] Erica: i love candy, but if it were here all the time, it wouldn’t be special
    [15:56] Josh: SCAB!
  • [16:56] Josh: say you’re taking a poo at the stall next to the urinal. the person at the urinal can turn and pee on your feet, and you’d be helpless
    [16:57] Greg: that’s exactly why i never used that stall
    [16:57] Greg: i can’t think of a worse nightmare scenario
    [16:57] Josh: but it’s also said to be the cleanest
    [16:57] Josh: because everyone goes for the far one
    [16:57] Greg: well of course it’s the cleanest
    [16:58] Greg: who the hell would use it
    [16:58] Josh: i use it
    [16:58] Josh: and that’s my biggest fear
    [16:58] Greg: maybe you can board up that one side
    [16:58] Josh: good point
    [16:59] Josh: that stall could still pee on your feet in the other stall
    [16:59] Greg: or vice versa
    [16:59] Josh: yeah
    [16:59] Greg: no one is safe
    [17:01] Greg: i got out of there just in time
    [17:01] Josh: why’s that
    [17:02] Greg: i just got new shoes for one
    [17:02] Josh: well this is all theoretical
    [17:03] Josh: instead of quitting i’ll probably just enact this plan
    [17:03] Greg: see
    [17:03] Greg: i’ll bet you’re not the only one thinking that
    [17:03] Greg: who’s to say one of the sales guys wouldn’t do that to me on their last day because i didn’t give them a new laptop
    [17:03] Josh: lets be real, who else would think of this?
    [17:03] Josh: Gloria?
    [17:04] Greg: maybe but she is not a threat
    [17:04] Josh: or is she
    [17:04] Josh: great aliby
    [17:04] Greg: hmmmmmmmm
    [17:06] Greg: i just can’t see that happening
    [17:06] Josh: she’d do the leg lift
    [17:06] Greg: i was perfectly happy not seeing it happening
    [17:06] Josh: guy dogs do it, but girl humans do it. interesting…quite.
    [17:07] Greg: whaaaa
    [17:07] Greg: i’m not sure that’s accurate
    [17:08] Josh: if they want to pee on something i think it is
    [17:09] Greg: but how often does that really happen
    [17:09] Greg: the only time i’ve ever heard of something like that is a lady peeing on a laptop and sending it in for repair
    [17:10] Josh: well there you go
    [17:10] Josh: she probably went with the stradle though
    [17:10] Josh: depends on the angle they need really
    [17:10] Greg: i think you’re right
  • [12:20] Josh: are there any cookies?`
    [12:20] Josh: maybe some mlk day cookies?
    [12:20] Josh: you know like a black and white cookie living in harmony
    [12:21] Josh: or i guess chocolate chip will work
    [12:21] Josh: any of those around here?
    [12:33] Erica: there are bakeries that make such things
    [12:34] Josh: strangers?
    [12:34] Josh: that sounds scary
    [12:35] Erica: i’ll be out of town all weekend and my kitchen may be torn apart anyway by the time I get home, otherwise i’ll tell you to get me the ingredients and a recipe and i’d make you cookies just this one time
    [12:35] Josh: what is the company policy on mlk day?
    [12:35] Josh: is it a flex or what?
    [12:35] Josh: i’d rather have friday off
    [12:35] Erica: we don’t get it off
    [12:36] Josh: that’s kooky talk
    [14:05] Josh: i have an insatiable appetite for cookies
    [14:07] Erica: at harris teeter, they’re buy one get one free
    [14:07] Erica: go get some
    [14:07] Erica: i’m hungry
    [14:07] Josh: if i go to harris teeter, i’ll just get free cookies
    [14:07] Josh: from the little dinosaur
  • Session Start (Josh:Emily): Mon Jan 15 09:08:41 2007
    [09:08] Josh: i went to the break room, and what did I see?
    [09:09] Josh: for not a single cookie, looking back at me.
    [09:09] Emily: well I didn’t get any candy
    [09:09] Emily: or the day off
    [09:09] Emily: ......
    [09:10] Josh: no spirit for the holiday
    [09:10] Josh: racist
    [09:11] Emily: ummmmm….okay…
    [09:12] Josh: so if you want to be a racist, and not celebrate mlk jr. day, that is your deal
    [09:12] Emily: okay sure thing
    [09:14] Emily: but that is def not true at all
    [09:14] Josh: i don’t see any cookies to back up your non racism claim
    [09:14] Josh: but hey that is your perogative
    [14:32] Josh: chris brought me a mlk day brownie
    [14:32] Josh: nice to see somebody celebrates this great day